


Conversations on Bisexuality, Cheating, and Past Unhealthy Love

by Diary



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Bechdel Test Fail, Bisexual Robert Sugden, Bottle Episode Fic, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Gay Character, Established Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden, Established Relationship, Family, Fluff and Angst, Late Night Conversations, Love, M/M, Male Friendship, POV Bisexual Character, POV Male Character, POV Robert Sugden, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-22 04:40:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8273201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: Robert and Aaron have a late night conversation. Complete.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Emmerdale.

Robert wakes up alone.

He’s been feeling as if Aaron were subtly pulling away for some time, but until now, he’s never had anything definite to back this suspicion.

Sighing, he gets out of bed and goes downstairs.

Aaron is sitting with a partly eaten sandwich, a mug, and the TV quietly playing in the background. “Oh, heya,” he says. “Fancied a snack. D’ya want something?”

It wouldn’t be a good idea to have this conversation here, he knows. Noah is a light sleeper, Liv has something of a sixth sense for when her brother’s in distress, and if Chas feels it best for Aaron, she might well chase him out with Liv’s softball bat (actually Gabby’s, but it lives in Liv’s room), her own shoes, or with the threat of ringing DS Wise.

He might well come and drag Robert out in handcuffs, too. Ever since she’s gotten back, he’s been unobtrusively popping around and occasionally giving her, Liv, and even Noah little gifts.

Robert would privately compliment him on his strategy, except, he strongly doubts the detective sees it as strategy but rather as ‘I care about this woman and feel empathy and sympathy for her son and his half-sister, and I should do something to try to bring them a little happiness and stability’.

He’s aware he’ll never be this type of compassionate, never mind selfless.

Therefore, he decides, it’s better to try to get everything out sooner rather than later.

“No.” Sitting down, he steels himself. “You’re withdrawing. Deny it, and I’ll throw your honesty policy back in your face.”

Maybe try being just a bit more confrontational, Rob, he can practically hear Vic scolding him.

Taking a deep breath, he tells him, “Sorry. It’s just- you have been, haven’t you?”

Looking at him, Aaron chews on the sandwich.

He waits.

“It’s something I have to work out for myself,” Aaron finally says.

“Because that’s worked out for both of us, hasn’t it,” he challenges.

“This time, it’ll have to,” is the stubborn reply.

“Aaron, please. Whatever it is- well, I’m guessing, if I’d done something, you’d have just told me. So, this is something else. Even if I can’t do much else, if you let me, I can be there to support you. Please, let me.”

He watches the struggle play across Aaron’s face.

“I thought you were gay.”

Taken aback, he tries to figure out how to respond.

“But in the pub, you called yourself bisexual.”

He remembers the conversation he’d had with Vic and Adam but doesn’t remember Aaron showing any sign of having any issues with it.

“And whatever this says about me, you being gay- Of course, you cheated on Chrissie and in every other important relationship you had. Because, you being gay but didn’t know it or couldn’t handle it, that meant, once you finally accepted it, maybe, you wouldn’t handle whatever your other issues were by cheating.”

“Aaron, I love you.”

“And you loved all of them, too, and wanted them, didn’t you?” Shaking his head, Aaron continues, “The worst part isn’t this, not really. It’s that-” 

Feeling sick dread pooling in his stomach, he quietly prods, “What?”

“You never would have left Chrissie if I hadn’t done what I did. We wouldn’t be sitting here, now. I didn’t want- but I did, and that’s worse. I told my mum and Paddy that, even knowing you’d never leave her and hating being your bit on the side, it was all you were willing to offer, so, I’d just take it. Everything you said in the scrapyard, and still, here we are. After the shooting, I told you you’d never be my man again, and I don’t see why you had to go and do everything you did with Gordon and the trial.”

Sounding heart-wrenchingly broken, Aaron continues, “That day on the park bench, all I wanted to do was kiss you. Because, you were there for me, and I missed you enough that, even after all that, I still wanted you. I’m always going to want you.”

“If it helps, I’m always going to want you, too.”

Aaron shakes his head. “Here’s your warning: if we don’t stop, now, I’m bringing Liv into it.”

He stays quiet.

“I look at her, and I worry. I worry that I won’t be able to handle it right if you break my heart again. I worry that she could end up someone’s dirty little secret, and I even worry that she could treat someone like that. And if she does either, no matter what I do, I’ve given her the perfect thing to throw right back at me, haven’t I?”

Robert is tempted to pray.

He doubts it’ll do any good. Long before he was faced with any theological questions on homosexuality and bisexuality, he was faced with the fact, any god who looked kindly on someone who did the things he did must be either mad or evil.  

Please, he still finds himself thinking, help me.

Moving over to the sofa, he tentatively wraps an arm around Aaron and feels a tendril of hope when Aaron doesn’t tense or move away.

Instead, Aaron presses closer against him.

“When I was little, I heard my dad talking a few times about ‘men like that’. Men who liked men. It wasn’t good, what I heard. Then, when I was, I dunno, maybe twelve or thirteen, maybe a little older or younger, there was this schoolmate.”

“He- looking back, it was obvious I fancied him. But I barely knew when I fancied girls back then. My dad, though, I think he suspected, and he never directly said anything, but he subtly kept me away from- his name was Tom.”

“I don’t even remember his surname, but he had the curliest hair I’d ever seen, a toothy grin, and he’d go mental when someone said mules couldn’t have babies and go on about his foal, the product of one his dad’s mare mules and a donkey. Before my dad started keeping me away, I could get him to hug me around the neck just by giving him a fizzy drink at lunch. I’d save my pocket money up, buy a coke or some lemonade, and sneak it to school, and every time he hugged me, I knew it was worth it and wondered if doing Andy’s chores would get me more money so I could do it more often.”

Robert sighs. “The first time I slept with a bloke, I thought about my dad and Andy. And since I knew I wasn’t gay, I decided then and there, I was straight and there was some easily explainable reason for what I had just done. Every time I did it again, there was some easily explainable, I don’t actually have a genuine attraction to or desire for other men reason.”

Aaron makes a soft, sardonically amused sound but links his fingers through Robert’s.

“I can’t imagine not loving you,” Robert blurts out. “But if- if that,” he forces the words out, “if that did happen, I’d still never cheat on you. Being shot, going through the trial with you, having the affair come out, all that irrevocably changed me, Aaron. I’m a different person, and I’m trying hard to be a good one. In addition, no matter what, you’re always going to be one of the most good, bravest, strongest people I know. I don’t have to love you to see that or respect you for it.”

In response, Aaron leans his head on Robert’s shoulder.

“As for Liv, you’ve seen how good I am at planning, and you have the steel and determination. What’s done with us is done. If some boy ever runs around on her or is running around on someone with her, we’ll sort him out and do whatever we have to deal with her. And if it’s another girl, we might be able to turn over to Gabby, but if not, it’s not as if either of us are that discriminatory, yeah?”

Aaron quietly laughs, but then, he tenses. “What if it _is_ Gabby, though?”

“Well, remember, I’ve proven I can handle her mum, so.” Being careful not to dislodge Aaron, he gives a light shrug.

The plate’s set on the table, and Aaron tugs his arm. When he turns, Aaron kisses him.

As much as he just wants to get lost in the soft kiss, he forces himself to lean away. “Is that all? Is there anything else? I don’t want secrets or you withdrawing from me, Aaron, and I know you don’t, either.”

Aaron nods. “That’s all. Just-” He takes a breath, and Robert tries to keep the fear from rising inside. “I love you, and I’m begging you, Robert, don’t make regret those words again.”

“I won’t, I swear,” he manages to get out. Grabbing Aaron, he kisses him and pushes everything but the warm, soft happiness cocooning him aside.

 _Thank you_ , and, _I love you so much_ , and _please, don’t break my heart, either_ , rotate inside him.

They kiss and kiss, and when they finally stop, his lips are swollen and slightly chapped, and Aaron’s hair is mussed, and _oh, God, if I want to marry him, I need to talk to Vic and everyone else, don’t I_ runs through his head.

“Come on,” Aaron hoarsely says.

Vic would kill him, he knows, if he drug Aaron out right now to get the forms. Plus, he’d actually like a ceremony, but aside from this and Vic, Chas and Liv might also (definitely) object if he proposes without their blessing, and he should probably (definitively, Rob, Vic’s ever-helpful scolding voice pops in) see what Aaron thinks about the subject first.

A niggling sense of doubt starts to settle, but while Aaron puts the plate in the fridge, Robert firmly decides to ignore it. He’ll talk to Vic soon, and then, to Aaron, and he’ll go from there. There’s no sense in worrying just yet.

They go upstairs, and Aaron kisses him again.

When it breaks, he says, “I love you.”

Aaron smiles sleepily at him. “I know. Love you, too.” Then, he rolls over.

Robert puts an arm over him, feels the rightness of everything settle down into his bones, and listening to Aaron fall asleep, finds himself quickly following.


End file.
